


Totally Blind

by ChaosKid11



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Choi Saeran Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, I'm so sorry but Zen is a dick for awhile, M/M, MC is sassy, Saeran Choi - Freeform, Saeran/MC - Freeform, Slow Burn, but MC and Seven are platonic soulmates instead, choi saeran - Freeform, red haired Saeran, this is after Seven's route, trigger warning for mental illness mentions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-01-01 06:57:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18330929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaosKid11/pseuds/ChaosKid11
Summary: A slow burn of Saeran and MC getting together.MC helps him through his episodes, is his best friend, and they're OBVIOUSLY made for each other - it's just that everyone sees it except them.





	1. Chai

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fanfic I've ever wrote~  
> A lot of it is based on things I've been through, and while my traumas aren't nearly as severe as Saeran's, it helps me both with writing and working through some stuff.  
> Erm...I love Saeran, and actually really love writing even though it's something I don't do often, so plz be kind but don't be afraid to leave some criticism if I need it.  
> I'll try to update as much as I can, and this will definitely be finished!  
> Thx :)

Saeran sat at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. He could hear the other RFA members in the front room, but even if it didn't seem like a reality lightyears away, he wasn't really in a condition to join anyway. He took a shaky breath and sighed, as his head throbbed. He hadn't looked in a mirror yet, but he could already feel his face was puffy. How long had be been sitting here?  
Just as he was wondering if it had been hours or minutes, he heard a few shuffling footsteps.

"Saeran? Are you alright?" he heard MC ask. 

Being an introvert, she had only hung out with the others for maybe an hour before retreating to her room, so she must've came out of hiding for a snack or something.  
Realizing he couldn't hide how he looked but unwilling to admit what had happened just yet, he answered with his face still hidden,  
"Mhm. Yep. So good..." He groaned into his hands. 

"Do you need an asprin or something?" 

"..."

After a little shuffling, he heard her shake a bottle in front of his face. Saeran sighed for the millionth time, ran his hands through his red hair, and held out his hand while finally looking MC in the eye. Almost a dare for her to ask why his eyes were red and why his eyeliner had run almost completely off.  
She stared back though, asking

"2 or 3?"  
"...Probably 3. If I'm lucky, maybe I'll be able to move again without my head feeling like it's going to burst into flames" 

"Do you want some tea? I'm going to make some. Do you have a preference?" she asked shuffling in her slippers over to the next cabinet.  
"Uhh....dealer's choice?"  
"Alrighty!" she replied brightly. "Aren't you cold? You're only in that damn tank top"  
"You know I run hot. Over-heating is worse than death"  
"Dramatic ass" MC joked as she stuck out her tongue. 

Amazing how she always seemed like these occurances never bothered her. Even when MC first started living with Saeran and Saeyoung after feeling too weird to keep living at Rika's place, anytime she came across something anyone else would have considered strange, (whether it be Saeyoung's pranks or Saeran's occasional odd behavior) she just ran with it. She was a unique person, something he had observed as "Unknown", but it was still a lot different actually being around her. Saeran put his head down on the table reflecting on all of this as she went about happily tea-making. Out of all the RFA members, he was definitely closest and most comfortable with her, and VERY relieved she wasn't freaked out by him *lightly* stalking her for Mint Eye after they had officially met.  
"Here ya go!" MC energetically placed a mug in front of him. 

"And here I thought you were in your room sleeping. There's no way with all that energy" Saeran responded, pulling the cup to him and sniffing it.  
"What am I drinking?"

"Of course I wasn't sleeping. My social battery was just dead...and frankly I was getting a little sick of Zen's flirting quicker than usual tonight. He's always worse when he's drinking. And it's chai with milk and honey! My fav" 

"Hmm" He took a sip.  
"Sweet, spicy...yeah I like it." Saeran slumped into his chair sipping the tea and already feeling tons better. "He didn't bug you too much, did he? My brother at least kept him in check?" 

"Yeah, Saeyoung is the master of distraction so I was able to slip out without too much notice. Jaehee winked and waved goodnight, but that was it".  
"Good. I really hate that narsissitic piece of-"  
"Saeran!"  
"Sorry! Sorry. I guess it just turns out there's ONE person on this planet who doesn't worship the dude" he snarked.  
"Exhausted, but you can still throw shade. Love it." Mc smirked back. 

After a few minutes of silent tea sipping, she finally said,  
"So......are you going to tell me what this is about?"  
He stared into his mug before answering, "I have no idea what you're talking about".  
"Saeran...there's a RFA gathering. Normally you'd dip in for a second to grab a handful of cookies, and then dip out to go for a walk or hide by yourself or with me. I haven't seen you all night, and you obviously have been crying. What's going on?" 

He looked up at her before pushing his mug to the side to pick at his nails while muttering, "I...how can I talk about it? Even with you and Saeyoung, I feel so alone. Like even you two will judge me. No one could ever...care about...love every dirty little part of me.." Saeran tried to continue, but trailed off.  
Mc paused with a look that looked like her heart was breaking for him; she opened her mouth just as Zen walked in, and they both looked over at him.

"AhA! I knew you w-were still heeeree MC" Zen slurred, ignoring Saeran. 

"Nah, I think you're imagining things." She turned to Saeran with a knowing look on her face-  
"Hey you were cold right? You can borrow my hoodie" She said slipping it off and handing it to him. He took it gratefully. She knew with his anxiety, the more layers, the more comfortable he felt around people he didn't know well. He'd risk over-heating a million times over-and by his standards, DYING a million times over- rather than feel vulnerable in front of other people.  
Saeran pulled it on, zipped it all the way up, and pulled the sleeves over his hands.  
"Thanks MC" he said with a smile, pulling his legs up to sit cross legged on the chair. 

"Hmm, cossstume change heh? Looks good on you babe" Zen said looking at MC who was now just in her cami and shorts.  
"Zen..." MC backed up a few steps and tugged on her ponytail unhappily.  
"Pretty boy, why don't you back off, grab your beer, and go back out front to talk about how great you are" Saeran muttered through his teeth while standing and pulling MC behind him.  
"Sure sure...sorry babe, Saeran" Zen grinned, walking to the fridge and picking up another six pack.  
"MC, when you're done in here" eyes flicking to Saeran, "you should come back out...have some fun..." 

Saeran glared at Zen's back as he left and growled, "Hey, if you want me to knock his lights out I can. Anytime you want".  
"No violence"  
"He was harassing you!"  
"We'll deal with that later...come on. No more distractions. You're going to talk." With that she grabbed his arm and pulled him along into her room.


	2. Soft and Fuzzy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeran opens up a bit~  
> I'm bad at summaries ok T_T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Hope this turned out ok, I tend to only write at 3 in the morning when I'm a bit loopy lol)

MC only let go of his arm once he was in the room. Setting her cup of tea on the nightstand, she spun around to close the door, and then looked back at Saeran who was spacing at the blank tv turned towards her bed.  
"So? What happened?" She asked, gentler this time. 

"I..." He blinked and came to, running his hands through his hair. "I...don't even know. It was so small...how can something so small still affect me? How is that fair? I know I'll never be normal and I'm making my peace with that, but what, I can't even go for a walk without some kind of trigger?!" The grip on his hair got tighter and he scrunched up his face trying to fight the angry tears.  
MC walked over from the door and softly guided his hands out of his hair before quietly leading him over to the bed. She sat cross-legged on the fluffy purple bedspread, and he followed suit facing her. 

"I just went for a walk. That's it. I wanted some air before I tried at the RFA gathering thing...I was near the park just over that way when I walked past some kid and his mom. And you know I appear 'intimidating' to some people-" he gestured absent-mindly at himself as she muttered,  
"Ya Mr. Edgelord" with a smirk.  
"Oh shove it" he interrupted himself and poked her in the forehead before continuing-  
"and I don't know. The kid just looked at me. Like he was afraid of me. And that fear, that look...it just triggered the memory of every single time I caused that look in someone at Mint Eye. Or for Mint Eye. Or God, saw it in the mirror. I just lost all ability to think, or reason, or breathe even, and just broke down and cried on the closest bench for God knows how long...I couldn't stop thinking about every horrible thing, how it separates me from everyone; even you and my brother. I'm...just alone" he finished finally, letting out a long breath and once again resting his head in his hands. 

"Hey," MC whispered and tilted his head back up so she could look him in the eye.  
"You went through something horrible and traumatic by yourself, yes. But you are absolutely never ever alone. I am *right here*, by your side, always, got that?" She took his hand and laced her fingers through his delicately shaking ones. "We'll talk to Saeyoung in the morning, ok? Right now I want you to relax and try in get in a better head-space". 

"Not by myself right?!" he said snapping his head up and looking panicked.  
"Of course not silly. Go change, come back here, and we'll watch a movie, alright?"  
"Good......k" Saeran looked relieved as he let go of her hand and slid off the bed. "Oh yeah, here's your hoodie back" and tossed it to her. She caught it with one hand and noticed him mutter what looked like "thanks" before turning a little pink and opening the door. "No problem..." she said under her breath, watching his back as he left.

Saeran returned a few minutes later in pj shorts and a ripped up Circa Survive tee, along with his black framed glasses instead of the bright green contacts. He was also holding a small plush black cat. 

MC tried to hide a smile, failing miserably.  
"What?!" he said looking bewildered.  
"It's nothing...it's just cute that Mr. Edgy can also look so adorable" she stiffled a giggle. "You kept the plushie I gave you!"  
"First of all.......shut up" he said looking away and turning pink again. "Second, of course I kept it! It's so fucking cute, and no one will let me have a real cat yet".  
"All in good time my friend". MC patted the bed again and snuggled into the hoodie Saeran had given back to her as he settled in. 

"What are we watching?"  
"I was thinking some dumb rom-com? Those are always fun to pick apart" MC answered.  
"Ya something stupid sounds great right now". He looked over at her noticing the hoodie she was still snuggled in and asked "Are you really going to sleep in that? Won't you be too hot?"  
She tucked her knees up to her face, and replied, "Maybe but...it smells like you and it's comforting..."  
Saeran had no idea how to respond to that, so he simply...didn't. Aside from maaaaaybe blushing a third time. 

After picking a movie on a streaming site, they cracked jokes about the ridiculousness of the whole thing until Saeran fell asleep curled up next to MC. This happened often when he was having a Bad Day, either curling up next to Saeyoung or MC, so she was used to it by now. After turning off the tv, she patted his head goodnight and stretched out on the other side of him. 

Hopefully the talk with Saeyoung would go well the next morning.


	3. On Our Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some fluff n stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I write a lot of dialogue, I hope you don't mind!)   
> I'm not updating as much as I want to, I'M SORRY  
> Adulting is hard, I'm doing my best lol. Tell me what ya think so far :)

Saeran woke up the next day around 10. 

MC had draped her arm over him at some point in the night; after laying there for a few more minutes, he gently moved her hand (trying not to notice how soft it was or how nice it felt on him, because he shouldn't notice that stuff right?) and slipped out of bed to go wait for his brother in the kitchen. Surprisingly, Saeyoung was already up, and making pancakes too. Normally he slept later than both MC AND Saeran. 

"Hey kid. Chocolate chips in yours?"   
"Yes please" Saeran yawned. "Guess you already know about last night?"   
"MC texted me that you had a bad night and that we should talk, but no details...what happened?" Saeyoung asked setting down the two plates and pulling up an old wood chair across from Saeran.   
Saeran sighed, took a bite of the steamy pancakes, and repeated what he had told MC the night before. Re-telling the incident he felt as though he was talking about someone else. All the fear, sadness, brokenness, it was all gone replaced with a strange feeling of not being connected to anything. Numb and able to function, but at the same time it was like a dark lead shadow was cast across his soul, pulling him down, down, down. He knew Saeyoung felt something similar when he was having/recovering from a depressive episode, so he finished re-telling the past night by pushing his half eaten plate away, putting his head down and sighing, "and now there's just...The Weight" knowing that his older brother would understand what he meant. 

Saeyoung, who had been quietly munching and listening, set his fork down and shuffled over to sit next to his twin.  
"I'm so sorry kid" he whispered, ruffling his younger brother's hair.

After a few moments, Saeyoung withdrew his hand and asked, "Do you want to go to the beach today? I need some air, and I feel like you need a break from reality. And...we can talk a little more too."

Saeran perked up at that. "Yeah! It's been too long, I miss it...and I can bring my sketchbook. I haven't gotten to hang out with you in awhile" he gently accused his brother, flicking him on the arm.

"Sorry, sorry! God7's services are needed in many places-" Saeran interrupted with a snort; "plus *you've* been spending an awful amount of time with MC lately..." he finished shoot his twin a devious look.  
"We always spend time together" Saeran said looking legitimately confused at what Saeyoung was implying.  
"Oh my GOD, kid, you're too innocent. Finish your pancakes, pack some stuff up, and meet me here at noon-thirty ok?"   
"Oooookay". 

Saeran finished the rest of his breakfast, and went to his room to gather some things to take to the beach. It was mid-spring; warm but still a bit chilly, so he decided his normal black jeans and boots would be ok, along with a tank top and a light button up so that he could be covered but not dying in the heat. He decided against the eyeliner today -going to the beach usually means sand in your face at least ONCE, and he wanted to be able to rub his eyes without fear- and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and pop his contacts in. After trying and failing at getting his hair to behave, he realized he left his glasses in MC's room. Hoping she was awake already, he went up to her door and gave it a gentle knock. 

"Come in!~"   
"Hope I didn't wake you? Saeyoung made pancakes, we saved some for you" Saeran said, leaning on the door frame.   
"Oh yum! Since when did he learn to cook? Anyway, I was already awake, just spacing out on my phone"  
"Ah good, can't wake Sleeping Beauty before she's ready or she'll clock you in the eye" Saeran said holding back a laugh.  
"OH MY GOD THAT WAS ONE TIME" She threw the cat plushie Saeran had left behind at his head; fortunately for him and the toy, he caught it with one hand. Laughing, he jumped on the bed, almost falling off when she tried to shove him in one last attempt at revenge.   
"Thank you for returning my cat" he said sticking his tongue out at her. "I can't remember what I did with my glasses though..." Saeran set down the cat and looked around.   
"Oh..they're over here on my side" MC said quietly.  
"How'd they...why are you blushing?!"   
"Ok don't make fun of me, I just wanted to see what I looked like in glasses" MC hid behind her hair and handed them over.   
"What!? Now I wanna see! You can't hide that well anymore, you grew out your bangs dummy!" 

After a bit of wrestling, Saeran finally gave up at getting the glasses on her face again.   
"Fine" he pouted. "I'm not sharing my ice cream with you till you wear them for me though"  
MC giggled and put her now ridiculously frizzy hair up in a bun, "I took a selfie. You can see it when I post it on Tripter."  
"I have to wait just like everyone else?! I thought I meant more to you then that!" he mock fainted, falling back onto the comforter. 

"Baby bro! You ready?" Saeyoung shouted from the kitchen.   
"One sec!" Turning to MC Saeran said, "I gotta get going, we're going to the beach~ But don't think this is over!" He got up, patted her on the head, and headed for the door with his glasses and cat in hand.   
"Yeah yeah...have a good twin day. Seriously, Saeran...have a good time ok?"   
"Yeah...thanks MC. For you know...everything."   
He gave her a soft smile and left to grab his phone, pens, and sketchbook before meeting Saeyoung at the door.


	4. Hey all! A quick note ;)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why I've been gone -

Hey friends!   
I just wanted to do a quick life update to explain why I've been MIA for a few months!   
This fic had NOT been abandoned. Between some very harsh self doubt, followed by the intense urge to do better, (and some good old fashioned writer's block) I've been planning this bad boy out a little better. More editing, description instead of only dialogue, and general planning of where I want this to go. I tend to jump ahead in my mind and get things all jumbled and have to sort the plot back out ^_^; I also have been getting distracted by other stories I'm plotting.   
Anyway, I hope you're still here for it! I really truly love you guys who have been reading <3   
Update soon, pals!


	5. Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm back at it! I hope you didn't forget about me, it's been a weird/rough last few months. I hope this chapter is alright, and I promise to never let this go so long again. Love y'all <3  
> (Also yes, Saeran throwing his meds loosely into his pocket is absolutely FERAL but I'd be lying if I said I didn't do the same thing)

*DING*

Saeran's phone went off about ten minutes into the drive. He unlocked his phone and saw the message was from MC - a selfie of her in his glasses grinning and throwing up a peace sign. Her dark-brown-almost-black hair was pulled up into a ponytail with a few rogue hairs falling out of place. He had liked her bangs when he originally saw her a few years ago, (how long was it since he first chose her for Mint Eye? Four or five now?) but kind of loved the way he could always see her piercing blue eyes without the curtain of hair in front of them since she'd grown them out. Saeyoung always joked that between Saeran's minty gaze and MC's icy blue stare they could get anything they wanted from someone through pure intimidation. His glasses somehow intensified that stare on her.  
Saeran snorted and simply texted back "dork". He went back to spacing out the window in the comfortable silence with a smirk still on his face. 

About 30 minutes into the drive, Saeran remembered he had hurriedly grabbed his meds and thrown them into his pocket before they left, but hadn't grabbed anything to drink to take them with.  
"Oh...do you have anything to drink? I forgot to bring something with me and I have to take my meds" Saeran asked his twin, "but I swear to god, if you say PhD-"  
"Pepper! That's right, I have plenty! Just reach behind your seat~" Saeyoung sang cheerfully.  
Saeran sighed and cracked open a can of fizzy liquid. He had enjoyed it when he first was settled in with his brother, but now...

"Christ, how are you alive?! I was under the impression people needed water to survive, not just a warm can of sugar and carbonation" he grumbled.  
"That's all I got kid! And you've been doing so well with your meds, I really hope you wouldn't skip them over something this trivial" Saeyong responded, his tone growing more into his lecturing voice.  
"I'd never go back to that" Saeran muttered firmly with a shudder. He remembered his relapses where he decided to self-destruct by flushing them down the toilet. The withdrawals were different, but almost nearly as bad as the elixar withdrawals; the only plus side to withdrawing from the elixar was his mind was so foggy he couldn't remember much of it. When he flushed his meds, he could remember every single goddamn feeling - both physical and mental.  
Shaking off the painful memory he added, "Even if it meant I'd never have to taste your sickening beverages again, I still wouldn't skip the meds. Stop being a worry wort"  
"Alright, alright. It's just cuz I love you!"  
Saeran popped open the little pill case and swallowed the capsle and two small chalky pills with his PhD Pepper - making sure to dramatically grimice the whole time - and leaned his head back to watch the scenery. 

After falling back into the comfortable silence they had before, and a bit more driving, Saeyoung finally reached the beach parking lot. Saeran gathered up his things and followed his brother to a slightly shaded area of the sand away from the rest of the crowd. The sky was bright blue (Saeran was briefly reminded of MC's eyes once more) with only a few white fluffy clouds floating across the sky. The contrast of the sky with the darker water at the horizon made everything else look that much more surreal. Saeran kicked his boots off and plopped down, not caring that sand covered his pants almost right away. 

"Hey, I'll be right back! I see an ice cream stand" Saeyoung dropped his hoodie next to Saeran and took off running towards the small wooden shed to their left.  
Saeran sunk back on his hands, digging his feet into the sand. He was thankful that it was warm and fine, no sharp rocks or drift wood. He closed his eyes and felt the breeze leave his shirt and hair disheveled, and decided to ditch the button up. It felt nice. He spent so much time in long sleeves because of his anxiety and the need to have a physical wall between himself and other people, even if it was a thin fabric, that it was easy to forget the relaxing feeling of wind on his skin.  
"Back!"  
Saeyoung skidded to a halt in front of Saeran, just barely managing to keep hold of the ice creams.  
"Hey, wow, ok watch it!" Saeran said, grabbing the cone from him in a hurry.  
"What flavor did you get me anyway?"  
"Chocolate chip cookie dough. It's always a classic, so..."

They spent a good amount of time chatting about nothing in particular. Saeyoung asked how it was going at the shelter Saeran sometimes worked at, and Saeran asked his twin how it was working for Jumin instead of the agency. They talked about their favorite drinks at Jaehee's coffee shop, and argued about what sweet was best with her pour over coffee, and when can Saeran finally get a cat?! (Not for awhile, at least according to Saeyoung).  
After the conversation had run out, and all ice cream had been eaten, Saeyoung shifted a little and looked at his brother.

"So are you going to tell me what happened yesterday?"  
Saeran pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face in them, muttering something.  
"Couldn't hear that, kid"  
"I said no."  
Chuckling, Saeyoung rubbed his back gently.  
"Come on. I know you hate this part, but you can't just pretend nothing happened. This is all part of recovery"  
Saeran sighed and fully plopped down, lying in the sand covering his face with his arm.  
"I know. It's just hard...every time, it's just as hard..."

Saeyoung said nothing as he sat and listened to Saeran recap what he told MC yesterday.  
"That's it. That's all." Saeran finished with an enormous sigh, arm still over his face. Looking MC in the eye while talking about this was easier. Not by much, but still easier. 

"Hey, sit up" his brother said, pulling on his arm. Saeran complied, and was immediately tugged into a bear hug.  
"I know this may just sound like words, but I'm going to say it anyway; you are never ever EVER alone. We've all been through different shit, but I know what it's like to have people fear you...and to fear yourself. Frankly neither of us talk about that as much as we should..." He rubbed his face, knocking his glasses askew.  
"We were just destined to be fucked up, huh?" Saeran said, with a snort. Saeyoung didn't reply, just looked at his brother sadly.  
After a few moments Saeyoung pulled Saeran into a side hug, forcing Saeran to lean on his brother's shoulder.  
"It'll get better. It's getting better. Little by little, it is..." Saeyoung trailed off, and they sat like that for a bit, staring off into the water.


End file.
